I Graduated!

Originally posted 4/23/11 on Grinnellplans.com

Well, today's the day. I should be getting a goodnight sleep before I face family in the morning. I should be dreaming peacefully and all that good stuff before I walk across the stage all sleepy-eyed instead of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (like the great Grinnell Squirrels that will undoubtedly join an outdoor commencement ceremony). But, here I am, not sleeping. Wide awake. I still have a few things in my room to clear out, but that will get done after the ceremony. I don't think the concept of graduation has really hit me. I will drive out of Grinnell tomorrow the proud owner of a brand new bachelor's degree. What does that mean? To me it's kind of like getting my high school diploma. I always knew I'd get it eventually and it's really just a means to an end. I want to go to law school. I know what I am doing next year, and none of it requires having an English degree. I'm not sure I feel the accomplishment involved in getting this. Maybe that means I didn't work hard enough. Maybe it was too hard and my mind can't comprehend relief. I chose English because I liked it and I like the professors. I love to read and write. I love paper and pens and books and bookstores. I have literally gone into Barnes and Noble for stationary (which is right by the entrance) and walked out three hours later. In fact, I spent the last hour trying to figure out how best to spend my newly acquired Barnes and Noble gift card. I haven't done anything yet because I am not sure of my choices. It's an important decision. So many people have told me they could never complete an English major. I don't see how that's possible. It would have been hard for me to not complete and English major. I wanted to be a psych major, but had to work so I didn't have time for the labs. I had already taken 4 English classes by the end of my first year. I had stacks and stacks of books everywhere in my dorm and at home. I have a thousand journals, all half filled. It was the logical choice and I enjoyed it. I even loved most of the classes I took. I had some crazy visiting profs, but learned from each of them things that weren't exactly English major relevant, (such as the importance of Vitamin B, or the disaster that is someone who has no idea what women's studies entails and applying it to every short story) but interesting none the less. So, I'm not sure why this English major matters, or why this Bachelor's degree seems like another piece of paper to stick in a drawer, but I know it was the right process for me to go through. Sometimes I think, what if I had been a psych major or taken a bio class? I loved science in high school. The thing is though, I really believe studying those things more would have taken away from how much I enjoyed them in high school and perhaps my wonder about the world that I enjoy. Studying English only helped me to deepen my appreciation for the subject and wonder at the possibilities. No, I didn't push myself as hard as I should have, but I had a good time. I had a job, I had a life, and I had school. And now, I guess, I have a Bachelor's degree in English. Whatever that means.