Today was my first full day back in classes. It's strange to try to figure out where I can fit now. I am behind in reading and studying. Everyone wants to give me hugs. I'd rather be snuggling at home with my puppy.
I'm still in denial. It hasn't hit me yet that my parents are both really gone. I've been so busy with planning and catching up and making sure paperwork is in order that I haven't had time to process what has really happened. I'm not sure there is a convenient time to lose someone but three weeks before midterms wasn't it.
Kids around school complain the same complaints that I've said myself a thousand times - "nothing is worse..."
There are worse things than reading and midterms and working on a career. Really, there are. It's all relative.
Things can get pretty depressing if you focus on all of that, though, so what I really want to put are three things that I am very thankful for today. This will a) help me facilitate my denial and b) remind me that life goes on (which might also apply to (a)).
1. My cousin has been here since Saturday.
Although he wasn't able to make it in time to say goodbye to my mom, it has been amazing having my cousin here because I haven't had to be alone yet. When he comes around I go into hyper-productive mode and get things done that I have wanted to do for a very long time. I am always grateful when he is here because he is always looking on the bright side of things and is up for anything.
2. My friends are the best ever.
My friends have been taking notes for me, bringing me food, giving lots of hugs, and basically being "on call" whenever I have needed them. I seriously could not have created better friends if I had tried. One friend even, somehow, ends up showing up whenever I have a big project going and she doesn't hesitate to jump right in.
3. I was given tools to persevere.
My parents always taught me to finish what I start so even though I am SO overwhelmed with figuring out car titles, insurance, death certificates, school work, regular work, family time, grocery shopping, laundry, putting my house back together... I know I have to put my nose to the grindstone to get it all done and make sure it is done right. Planning and scheduling are my new best friends.
4. Bonus thankfulness - My Mom's friends are wonderful!
I have received so much love and support from people who have known my mom far longer than I have been alive and for that, I cannot thank them enough.
1 comment:
You're awesome. I'm glad you've had your cousin and your friends and your mom's friends. I think about you often and are quick to say a prayer for you. You are SO GREATLY loved.
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