Last Memories

I am starting this entry because, as my last entry indicated, I am afraid of forgetting.  Everything special that happens with my mom I am going to post here because I want to remember it.  This post is for me so it might seem like I am posting minuscule things, but they are important to me.

On another note, after losing my dad about 5 years ago, I started keeping a journal of special memories and answers to questions I might want to know someday.  I can't tell you all how much this has helped me deal with the loss of my mom because I know that, even though I will not get to ask her all the questions I have later in life, I took the time to ask what I could think of when I had the chance.

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9/15 My mom raised her arm to try to scratch her nose.  I scratched it for her and asked if that was better.  She said, "That's better."  I then told her I loved her and though she didn't vocalize it, she mouthed, "love you."

9/16 She squeezed my hand while I was talking to her, blinked her eyes at me, and even opened them for a second.  She was trying to scratch her face again and mouthed, "thank you" when I did it.  Somehow I feel like she is more aware in these final days than she has been the past month.

9/16  She smiled when I told her we were taking her home.  She talked a little bit and most was indecipherable but I definitely heard, "cats" and "finally" and "thank you."

9/16  I went to go to class, got into the parking lot and turned around to come back to my mom.  I can miss out on having time to grieve but I can't miss out on having time to talk to my mom.  When I got back she smiled and grabbed my hand.  Then we scratched her itchy face a bit more.

9/16  We got my mom home, safe and sound.  We got her set up in bed and Theodore came and laid with her.  I got to see her smile and realize she was home.  She also told me she loves me.  I get to go to sleep tonight knowing she is just in the next room.